bunny tales

Home (?)

Home is where the heart is.

Many of us are familiar with this phrase. To a large extent, I do agree with it. And it goes without saying that the environment and its people do have a strong influence to the place we would call our “home” on earth.

I am grateful for being born a Malaysian. It was never a choice that I could make but I did make the most out of it by, as much as possible, carry its essence as a part of me. Nevertheless, many who do know me would say that there is something else that would make a stranger to confuse me for someone of a foreign decent. Could it be the “chinky” eyes or the way I dress? Or maybe it is the words and expressions that come out of my mouth or the way I carry myself?

People have often mistaken my nationality and background. A Japanese would ask upon our first meeting whether I am Japanese and many have commented that there is a very “Japanese-feel” about me even after knowing them for some time. As for others, many guesses based on looks and character that I am some westernized East Asian. And this trip home just reinforced my perception of how others see me.

At Narita, many shop assistance handled me in Japanese only. (There were times when they would just speak English to every customer). However, as I board my flight, I was greeted in Thai by the airline staff. During my transit in

Bangkok

, again, airport personnel moved me along the inspection line in

Thai.

I had no idea what they were saying until I requested “English please.”

On the plane, a flight attendant started confirming my special meal to me in Thai which I just smiled and responded, “Seafood meal, please.” I was also given an immigration card upon arriving at the Malaysian airport. Arriving at

Malaysia

I was given assistance to with the politeness and English used towards foreigners. Go figure!

Nevertheless, my body started to react not too long after I arrived. The unstoppable sneezes came back and I definite had better sleep with less hours. I woke up this morning and my nose was gone. The long night of sneezing and coughing had its toll on me and I ended up with a terrible sore throat. Within the next hour, my eyes were smarting. Yep! I am home.

Friends called me this morning and they were curious about my voice. A close one wondered if I was sick. Well, it would only be fair if I gave the benefit of doubt that I might have caught a cold somewhere. Nevertheless, friends commented that maybe I do not belong here anymore!

Maybe all of the above is just a silly thought running wild. I am who I am, and well, we do live in a globalized world where the media has brought us so much closer in mainstream fashion looks and the expression through language. Who really cares where I am from?

So, enough of the ramblings above. The point is that I am back in

Malaysia

now for a week or two. Even though I am still tied down with work, I do have time for a drink or two. Just give me a buzz if you have the time.

Pink Bubbly at Three!

Many of you might have known by now how tough my current job can be. There are days when my routine tasks just make me feel like throwing up.

HOWEVER, I love this company as it is just as crazy and fun loving as I am. It is the people that make the high-stressed fast-paced roller-coaster job bearable.

Today, we celebrated my birthday at the office. I had a nice Spanish lunch with Heike, Yoko, Cathrina and Tomo. At 3, we had a small and simple party… BUT, Man! It was fun.

YUP, it was a birthday party, alright. I got my lovely b-day song (simple and sweet, with a shriek from Heike), a toast with rose champagne, and had miniature sweets. Everyone was simply sweet. We shared jokes and had a few good laughs. It was just lovely to take a break and have some “afternoon tea,” or rather, an “afternoon bubbly!”

I guess there is always room for exposure. This form of mid-day-light-booze-45-minute-party is definitely a first for me. To top it off, we all had to get back to work soon after! (Laughs)

Thank you, guys. You guys rock!

Happy Birthday, Suemae

I am 25 today. I have been in existence for a quarter of a century now.

What have I accomplished in life? The length of the list varies in the eye of the beholder, but I would say that I had a good year with a steep learning curve and many changes since my last birthday. One of my crazy goals (I don’t know why, thus it is crazy…) is to get married when I am 24. The closest I got to that was going out on a few dates and an impromptu marriage proposal. As to getting to my overall goal and dream, I think I have been taking baby steps up until now but am praying that it would soon be a steady pace bringing me forward to it within the next year or two.

This is my 5^th birthday in Japan after a year’s break, and it is different but nice. No more birthday dinner, movie, and プリクラ. I didn’t even get my birthday picture taken! Now, there is no new picture for my profile! (Gasp!)

Even the celebrations are at a very low key this birthday; I enjoyed every bit of it. I had lunch with お母さん yesterday and by chance, Jewel joined us. We had a good time catching up over sushi. After that, お母さん and I enjoyed “Miss Potter” together. I really enjoyed the movie. It has cute bunnies and eye candy. It made me weep a little, but simply, BEAUTIFUL!

I battled the trains back to my apartment in the evening and slept well since I was exhausted due to the early class I had with Dr. Franklin in the morning. When morning broke, I got up without the buzz of any alarm which made it a relaxing morning and that rhythm took its place for the rest of the day. I went to church, skipped the special dance presentation to have a really easy lunch with Baileyna. We had Mexican food on Omotesando. After seeing her off at the station, I met up with Mark and Sunil at Harajuku. Mark greeted me with one of the best birthday hugs I ever had and we just sat at one of the best seats at McDonald’s to people watch.

Mark left Sunil and me to continue our weekend rendezvous as we waited for Matthew. We hung out at Yoyogi Park watching the “interestingly dressed people” and listening to bands. We sat at the park and enjoyed the wonderful weather. Really, it WAS very relaxing and I enjoyed it. Strange, eh? But I guess I have learned how to truly relax and enjoy the simple things in life.

Soon the trio was completed when Matthew made his appearance and we made our way to a Thai restaurant on Meiji Dori. We had a good relaxing time enjoying Thai food and playing with our wine glasses. After dinner, we continued our wonderful span of conversation topics at a nearby coffee shop. The night ended early and we parted slightly before 9.

No cakes, no candles, no lavish gifts but I am happy. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, and that I guess, defines who I am right now. I am just a simple girl trying to make it in this crazy world and am thankful for the people God placed in my life. No gift is more precious than of true friends and their time is the best gift ever. The best thing about it is that I have been enjoying this almost every Sunday!

So, what lies ahead this year? I will continue to strive on towards my goal and would deeply appreciate your prayers, encouragement and support. Pray that I will be able to enter graduate school soon with enough provision to support myself. May I continue to be faithful in my daily worship and grow to be a young woman doing everyone proud.

Keeping it simple and only focusing on the important… Happy Birthday, Suemae.

TV is Good for You

Lifeless and tired after work during the week days, I am too lazy to leave my apartment once I set foot over the threshold. What do I do then? Well, living alone has its ups and downs. Even though I sometimes dread the lonely and bored feelings I get, the lack of physical company allows me the freedom to do things my way at my pace. (Believe me; you don't want to know the details.)

My routine is that I fix myself a simple dinner and settle down comfortably and begin my "Japanese lessons" watching anime and Japanese dramas available on my PC. I have caught up to date with "Bleach" and watched some re-runs of "My Boss My Hero."

Someone commented that they would have never thought that I am an anime fan or a Japanese TV drama buff, especially at this age. Well, I am not fanatic, but I like those with a good fun story line. Brings back good memories of the days when my passion for

Japan

and life began.

Exaggerating? I would say no. Watching such programs exposed me to a certain thought and culture. I am willing to absorb what I find interesting and to some extent "beneficial" modify it and made it a part of me. It helped painted a person who I wanted to be. As a kid then, anime provided more detail and information, and pictured how life can be taken with a dash of salt. A growing mind and personality at the teenage years just wanted to develop an identity that is cool and possibly, fit it best.

At this age, I am reminded of how young I was. "青春" It is a stage in life where we strive for studies, friendship, dealing with growing pains and all. I strive to have an interesting and fun life as a teenager and grow up to be a trustworthy intelligent "rocking" adult. The details to how it is done don’t really matter. I just didn't want a mediocre life. All that mattered then was to give my best and learn from the outcome. Mistakes were made all the time, but it didn't matter as long as I have friends.

So, what is the difference now? Maybe I am numbed by what society expects of me. I have slowly strayed away from being all I could be. That bites. I know I whine and complain a lot. I don't want to be beaten down and told what I am supposed to be. There is a choice, and spending my nights glued to the screen might ignite some passion into me again. It is time to dream and chase after such dreams again, Suemae. I am living the dream I used to have as a teenage girl... Come on, you are never too old to have aspirations like a kid. So, no more excuse. Step by step, start on a rhythmic pace and go towards your goal. With the help of TV and such programs, it is time to get in touch with yourself once more.

Standing On My Own Again

It is through every trial and tribulation we get to see ourself grow. The immense pain in the challenges reflects the changes that has happened in us. It is a mirror reflecting who we are, who we have become.

I got out of bed earlier than usual this morning. All I wanted to do was to clean my room and apartment. I don't know why. I noticed a cycle that has formed in the recent years. Taking the simple example of cleaning, I was taught to do house chores since the passing of my paternal grandmother and when my sister grew out of her need for a nanny/maid. Sweeping and moping seemed like fun then and I enjoyed playing my part at home. However, since we moved out I had not been cleaning at all unless being asked to, solely because the time spent at home was short and mom hired a part-time helper to straighten out the place once a week.

It was until I entered TCU that we were assigned cleaning duties again. Be it the academic zone or our personal living space, I was shocked that I would take the initiative to clean up an apartment and was proud of my accomplishment. Living with 3 room mates in an apartment-like environment put the initiative back in me as although we were all busy, it seemed like I was the one at "home" the most even though I had a full schedule. Nevertheless, cycles go around in circles. My return hope after graduation last year put me back into the days of taking cleaners for granted and I am shameful to admit now that I used the tiredness from work as an excuse not to clean.

Now, I look back just at today when I got up just to clean and mop the floor, twice. I even changed 2 light bulbs even though I was not tall enough and had to over come my fear in using a movable chair in reaching for high places. I am on my own.

When I am at my low, I used to come up with excuses to avoid or relying on others to help me do the things that I can do. But I know better. I used to be strong and independent. It is now, when I am alone--when things seem harder, when it seems that there is literally no one to pamper me--that I stand on my feet again.

Maybe it is time for me to straighten things out in my life. I have been spoiling myself coming up with all kinds of excuses to "decorate" and "soften" reality for me. Where have you been, Suemae? What happened to the strong-willed, independent, "go-getter"?

It is not too late. I thank God that it is, again, through the people and situations God put me in that I realize how much I have slacked from who I am and am geared towards my potential. I have to see that I am on the ground now and have to pick myself up, standing up because I can and not expecting, or rather, taking for granted that someone will come to my rescue.

I am no baby. I know how to stand. I did it before. I just need to realize that through the promptings of people but not rely too much on that outstretch arm. I am not arrogant, but it is only those who know me well who will understand that I have to do this by myself. Nonetheless, I am forever grateful for the special people He placed around me who truly helped. Suemae, independent and strong. You can do it with genuine support.