... (T-T) ...
It has been ages since I have last blogged. For those who do care, I am F.I.N.E. (Freaked out, Insane, Neurotic, and Emotional as they say it in “The Italian Job”). Work is getting busy and I think that I am a major screw-up. I have already a few big bloopers and no-nos. [Whispers] I think they will soon find out that I am crazy and see that hiring me is a liability.
Hmm… I am not too certain about the confirmation now. My silence does not stray far from the fact that I am busy, lazy, or terribly disturbed by certain things. Of late, I frown to say that I might be falling into some kind of depression… but hey! Who am I to complain? I know a few close to me out there who has major problems that whining about what I am going through just seems not right. However, I must thank those out there who truly care and check up on me every now and then. Do know that you are a rare jewel and are well treasured with those who have me in their hearts and prayers.
I think stupidity has sunk into me after getting out of school. Although I continue to ponder upon many things, it is very different from before. I see my intelligence and wit diminish as I sat for the GRE and TOEFL. Maybe, it was not that bad. Maybe it is the fact that I am not a person who studies for exams at all. Sitting for those tests brought back memories of my JLPT test that I sat last year. I needed 900 hours of studying Japanese in order to be prepared and maybe, pass the exam, but I have to admit that I hardly hit the books for 9 hours even! The wheels in my head are just not budging. I miss the sparks and bolts of light searing through my head and thoughts when an idea is figured out. I miss the days of researching and paper writing. Intelligent conversations are scarce and there is hardly anyone who I can speak comfortably with as the person I am today.
Last week, I made some new friends out of a bizarre incident—the attraction of a bag! I met up with one of them and knew more people yesterday. They gave me a psychometric test that told me about the various aspects of my life now. Fortune telling? I doubt it. Nonetheless, they did mention a few things about me that can be observed by anyone who bothers. Yes, I am a perfectionist and it doesn’t really link to the fact that I am a Virgo because, technically, I am not! What was mentioned at the table did not really reflect what I am longing for or going through right now, but why am I still thinking about the things said? Could it possibly be true? What was mentioned about my character might be some thing for all to see. You guys know me as an open book, but seriously, how many out there who knows what I truly want at this point in time? Not many even know what is going on in my head, because, if you do, YOU WOULD CARE!!!
Well, I should not be too hard on your guys. It is not your fault in any way. I know that what I am going through right now is a challenge. I have to face it. I have to be strong. And, I have to stay focused. Sure miss having those who I was ever close with at TCU by my side. I would really like to have those hour-long walks around CNT, hanging out at the mall, Doutour, or Gusto for coffee or ice-cream, running off to Tokyo Disney Resort, and time spent just chatting with… well, you know who you are. Sounds pathetic and depressing? Yup, I guess that is just about all the updates you can get.
